SUPER FUN CHRISTMAS CAROL
By SLing

Scrooge had money. A lot of money. So much money, in fact, that he spent all day swimming in a pool of it, kinda like 
the dude from DuckTales, but really really old and really really fugly. Ok, so maybe he wasn't that much different. The 
guy from DuckTales was a duck, though, so he wins.

Anyway, Scrooge loved his money. He loved it so much that he got married to it ala Richard Simmons and the Carrot. 
Unfortunately, the money soon realized that Scrooge was only in the marraige for the money, but this created an inexplicable
paradox/plothole that ended up transporting a sumo wrestler into the story in an inconherant bout of laziness caused by 
the writers inherant lack of an attention span. 

Of course, this was in olden times, so the sumo wrestler was really SLing in a past life. I would go into detail about 
how this is possible, but it'd cause me to push my religious beliefs onto you, and pushing religion onto people is against 
the forum rules, except on the Mu forum, but what do I know, considering 90% of statistics I make up include 
the number 90%. (God, I love that number.) SLing was really big, so he went and invaded Tokyo like godzilla. Sadly, he was
thwarted in his plans of domination of Tokyo after some really smart business executive offered him a piece of his jelly
donuts. Mmm donuts.

Getting back to Scrooge, he ended up getting stuck in a really long court battle with his money over who gets what in the
divorce. It was decided that the money would get the house and Scrooge would get the money. Again, let me emphasize the
paradox this creates, as the money is just paper and can't have feelings, but nonetheless Scrooge was forced to buy another
house across the street that had a bum living in it. Scrooge, in a flash of brilliance, hired the bum to sit around all day
and shiver in a cold room.

(This is the part where I'm supposed to introduce the bum, but unfortunately I've only ever seen A Christmas Carol once and
I can't remember anything apart from the fact that Scrooge was a jerk and bugs bunny did some _really_ f'ed up things. So,
let's just say the bum died from malaria shortly after he started working for Scrooge and bugs bunny went off to do some
sort of psychadellic drugs, like always. Heh heh heh, druggie bunnies rock.)

That night, which coincidentally happened to be Christmas Eve, Scrooge found a strange liquid. He figured since he was 
already like a bajillion years old he had nothing to lose, so he drank the strange liquid. The world started spinning around
him. Scrooge fell to the ground and started spasming like an ant being fried with a magnifying glass. Ok, bad analogy. The
point is, scrooge was spasming pretty badly. He laid there shaking for about ten minutes, and when he came to, he realized he 
could float. Scrooge jumped out of his window and started floating. He flew over his ex-monies house, which just happened to
be overrun by guorgeous women at the moment, due to the fact that it was an empty house and nobody was watching. (If there
was one thing the internet has tought me, it's the fact that women like to run around naked when nobodys looking. I'm a sad,
sad man.) He swooped down and torched the place, and then flew high up and went to Tokyo, where SLing was docily sleeping
between two skyscrapers. At that exact moment, SLing decided to fart. Unluckily, some japanese dude was smoking a cigarette
nearby and caused half of Tokyo to be blown up in a cloud of methane and onions. How the onions got there is anyones guess. 

Due to the fact that Scrooge was tired at that point, he flew back to his house. When he got there, the ghost of 
IKILLYOUSCUM was there. Scrooge had no idea why the ghost was there (and to tell you the truth, neither does the author,)
so they decided to kick back and watch the football game while chugging some gin & tonic. Why there was football on Christmas
Eve is anyones guess, but so far we've had a floating Scrooge and a gigantic SLing so we can safely assume football players
would greatfully play on Christmas Eve.

Eventually, Scrooge fell asleep, and the ghost of IKILLYOUSCUM stole all of his money. The money was greatful, though, since
Scrooge had treated her (it?) so badly, and they lived happily ever after.

As for Scrooge, he woke up the next morning in a ditch with a monster hangover and his pants missing. When he tried to float,
he found that he couldn't, due to the fact that the author felt it was neccessary to throw in at least one major plot twist,
even if it was at the end of the story. Scrooge vowed to study the way of the ninja and hunt down the author of the story,
which is actually quite an interesting quest, but the author is feeling incredibly lazy at the moment so instead of telling
you the story of it he's going to ruin the ending and say that Scrooge eventually exploded into nothingness due to an 
incredibly large plot hole.

The moral? Don't put all your chickens in the same basket. Especially if that basket happens to be a really large black
hole.